Good Gossip Day, Bad Hair Day

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June 27, 2018 by kittynh

Many of my readers know I’ve moved recently to TOWN.

 

I met a new neighbor recently and was “Oh dear!” (this is G rated blog)

She is the owner of a hair cutting salon I used to use.  We ALL KNOW THE FEELING OF MEETING YOUR OLD HAIRDRESSER!  Now she was just the salon owner, but the reason I left was…complex. She remembered me and was “I’m so sorry you left the salon.” She wanted to know WHY, as she felt she ran such a welcoming professional salon.

I don’t think I can ever tell her the TRUE STORY.

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Hammock Safe Sex

WHY DID I LEAVE?

I have RA, which is short for “I’m in a hell of a lot of pain quite a bit of the time.” It also means sometimes I have to go to the hospital for some steroids and such.   A hairstylist knows she has to work quickly for me to be comfortable.  I always make this clear before any hair appointments.

Five years ago I was in one of those painful positions, getting my hair color rinsed, when I heard some of the best/worst gossip of my life.  Sadly, the pain of my neck on the sink , as my stylist was distracted, put an end to my ever going back.

 

What follows is my five year old  memory of the EMERGENCY-

Me: “Remember I can’t lean back too long, so let’s get this rinsed out of my hair!”

Stylist:”No problem, I always take care of you.  Oh look that is my friend Stacy pulling up, I hope it is not some emergency.  She’s my best friend.  Let’s get started, no matter what this needs to be rinsed out!”

Stacy: “THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!”

(rather “BIS IS AM EMBERGENY!”)

I look up and, Stacy has a huge white bandage with some bend steel bar over her nose.  She has two black eyes.  She looks like she got into a fight in a bar and lost. Lost badly and the bar kept kicking her in the face!

Stylist: “What happened? You weren’t supposed to be back until Sunday!”

Me: “Help, I’m drowning…”

Stacy: “I asked you to cover and watch the kids this week, and you backed me up that I was going to visit my sister….well now I need you more than ever!”

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Studio hammock, don’t try this outside, while drunk

Stylist nods, the odd part is Stacy seems to want to include me in on this. Stacy seemed intent on giving details to the entire salon.

Stacy: “Well, Bob and I went to that bed and breakfast in Vermont and, it was SO ROMANTIC. Everything was going well, and then we BROKE UP! He’s a scumbag.  I was so mistaken about him! I thought he was a real gentleman and instead he called me a cheater and liar!”

Me: (internally) ” Who is Bob?”

Stylist: “Oh did Bob find out you are married?”

Me:  (drowning and perhaps passing out because of the neck angle) “Bob is not her husband!”

Stacy: “Yes, and I was waiting for him to tell me he loved me before I told him.  You just don’t tell a man you are married until he’s in love with you.

Stylist nods.  I am “When did I miss this woman wisdom?”

Stacy: “Well the Bed and Breakfast had a really darling hammock, and after sunset we went out to cuddle in it and drink wine.  Then Bob and I decided to make love in the hammock.”

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Does this look like a mattress to you?

Me:  “I may be about to pass out from the pain, but I want to stay awake for this story.”

Stacy: “It’s very hard to make love in a hammock!”

Stylist: “I bet you were drunk!”

Stacy: “.You see, he was trying to get his pants off and the hammock flipped.  He fell on top of me, and my face went right into the ground.  There was a dent on the gravel, as the hammock was not over the grass.  It on the porch, between two poles.  So my nose was broken.”

Me: (At this point I have to sit up to keep from passing out and also to squint to see that her face looks like raw hamburger.  I also notice her one wrist is bandaged.)

Stacy: “Of all the bad luck, Bob lands on me and not only did he break my nose, but he broke his wrist and cracked a rib or two.  I don’t know, he just is so selfish!” (sobs)

Stylist: “What can I do?”

Stacy: “Well, Bob then was awful, and said he was in too much pain to me back home.  I had to tell him I’m married, and I couldn’t go to the hospital there.  I had to come back here, I can’t use my husband’s insurance where we were! It’s not anywhere near my sisters house or home! He said he wasn’t going to drive 8 hours with one arm, and me bleeding all over his car!”

Stylist: “What did you do?”

Stacy: “He said it served me right, and he drove me to the local hospital complaining about how much HE HURT!  Then we we got there, he refused to pay for my treatment saying I was a selfish cheater and liar and he was not going to help me cover up! He said he felt sorry for my husband!”

Stylist:”What a jerk!”

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Safe Sex Hammock?

Stacy: “So then I had to get my nose and wrist treated, and you won’t believe the bill!  I’m going to need surgery also! He ruined my nose!”

Stylist: “Does your husband know yet?  Does he still think you are at your sisters house?”

Stacy:”Yes, I came right over as you need to help me think of a cover story.  The hospital made me sign something and show them my ID. I’m going to need the money to pay them or my husband will find out!  I need $XXXX.XX. ! I couldn’t use our insurance as he’d see that right away! As it is, we have to think of some explanation for the bandages.”

Stylist: “I don’t have that much money in my account.  Maybe you could get a payday loan and sell something?  What jewelry do you have?”

Stacy:”I can’t do jewelry as my husband likes me to wear certain pieces when we go out… Also, my sister won’t say she fixed up my nose and wrist, so can you say you did it?  Do you know a nurse that could cover for me?”

What followed was a convoluted long plan that was never ever going to work.

It was never going to work as it involved calling up all her friends and collecting money from them, which she would somehow pay back.  Even though she did not work.

Benjamin Franklin once said “Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.”

The odd part of it all was there was no remorse.  I think that Stacy found what she was looking for with her little affair with Bob.  Excitement.  While Stacy described this as an “Emergency” there was also a sense of drama and fun in her description of the event. She had to share what had happened, as indeed something had happened. I don’t know the woman well enough to judge her. My hairstylist did comment “That Stacy, she always has something going on in her life!” It was said with a smile, as obviously Stacy’s friends got to join in on the excitement.

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Smoking and a hammock, another unsafe use

Why did I leave?

I did not feel that my hair, and my pain level, were worth ignoring for a young woman who had stupidly fallen into trouble.

While what Stacy does is none of my business, Stacy enjoyed making it the business of everyone at the salon the day.  She was the center of attention, while clients were left dripping and with jaws dropping.  At some point a professional business says “Look we need to talk about this later.” Perhaps knowing Stacy, my stylist should have been, “Let me finish my client and we can talk about this later.”

My stylist didn’t apologize or do anything but rinse me off and send me on my way quickly as she had REAL WORK TO DO!

I never did know the ending.

Did Bob recover physically and emotionally?

Were all the friends ever paid back?

Do hospitals normally work to help cover up affairs? I find they always want the money or insurance NOW.

Is it possible to have sex in a hammock, and if the answer is YES, is it possible while drunk and in the dark?

In the interest of friendship I do want to go back to this salon.  The salon owner was not there when the EMERGENCY was declared, and I feel she would have quickly ended the crying and conversation.  I’m not going to hold it against my new neighbor, what happened 5 years ago…

Still, what about that hammock question?

Has anyone here successfully had sex in a hammock, and while I don’t want details, I just want to know if it is possible.

 

One thought on “Good Gossip Day, Bad Hair Day

  1. 1tressa says:

    That was a great story!
    When I find someone to do research with I’ll let you know about sex in a hammock.

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